RE-loaded: Resilience

Lately, I have been feeling compelled to write about the incredible power of resilience.

First of all, let's talk about what resilience really is. The practice of strengthening and stretching your capacity to cope with difficulties, choosing to grow from a situation, even though the situation in and of itself is a difficult one, is called resilience.

It is important to remember that when something traumatic occurs in your life, you should not compare yourself to others as everyone has their own healing process and coping mechanisms. Some people may recover in a short period of time, while others may require more time to heal. Both scenarios are normal, as we are all born with different nervous systems and there are no predetermined standards or deadlines for complete healing.

Let's dive deeper into the topic of resilience. When dealing with change, there are two potential negative mindsets to avoid. The first is the victim mentality, where we blame others for our circumstances, choose to suffer, and do not take responsibility for finding a way out of our situation. If this sounds familiar, welcome to the victim mentality club.

The second scenario to avoid is drowning in the toxic positivity ocean. This involves denying the full spectrum of emotions that we must experience. It may sound like, "I'm fine, everything is great, I always have a smile on my face, and things will get better soon (even if they won't, and everything has changed)." While it's important to be grateful and maintain a positive attitude in life, it's equally important to acknowledge our negative emotions, create a safe space for grieving, and allow ourselves to fully experience those emotions. Refusing to feel them or burying them deep inside can be detrimental to our mental health and well-being.

The reason for avoiding the toxic positivity mindset and suppressing our negative emotions is because it can lead to emotional overload. Imagine a bowl filling up with water, eventually reaching its maximum capacity. If it overflows suddenly, it can be like a sudden explosion of emotions, such as anger, frustration, and acute pain that can affect everyone around us. This can leave us feeling completely drained of energy, emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed, much like a match that has burned out.

Resilience means allowing ourselves to experience the full spectrum of emotions, including gratitude, pain, happiness, and grief. By doing so, we may experience post-traumatic growth, but it's ultimately up to us whether we choose to grow from our experiences. Resilience involves accepting our circumstances, living through them, and reflecting on how we can benefit from them. Even in the most challenging circumstances, we can choose to learn from them and use them as an opportunity for personal growth. The question to ask ourselves is, "what's in it for me?"

As Tony Robbins says:

Ask yourself these questions:

💡What have I learned from this lesson?

💡How can I improve?

💡What needs to be done differently?

💡How does it help me to cope?

💡Am I stuck in toxic positivity or am I willing to be absorbed by the victimhood mentality? Or do I choose to grow?

Through my own experiences with resilience, I'm amazed at how strong my body can be during times of immense difficulty. For instance, a while ago, I've learned that the sudden trembling of my body in the middle of the night was a natural response to release accumulated stress. Our bodies are incredibly intelligent, and it's fascinating to learn about their mechanisms. There's even a fun shake-your-body dance that can help relieve stress and anxiety because being constantly tense can take a toll on our health. Trust me, it's essential to take care of ourselves and find healthy ways to release stress.

Another lesson I learned through resilience is that we cannot go back in time to the person we once were. Unless quantum physics defies the laws of nature, we cannot turn back time.

And yet, we continue to evolve. There is no previous version of ourselves left within us. While this realization may be difficult to accept, it's an essential part of resilience. We can still turn to our past selves for advice, best practices, tips, and tricks. We can tap into that novice's mindset once again and ask ourselves, "How exactly did you do that thing?"

― Michelle Obama, Becoming.

I hope that you can recognize your own resilience and celebrate your small victories. It's important to keep planning for the future as having goals can keep our inner spark alive. But we must also allow ourselves to exist in the uncertainty of the present moment. Nobody knows what the future holds, but we can invite hope to accompany us on our journey.

― Lexi Ryan

Until our next hashtag#WritingAloud post,

Best and kindest wishes,

Oksi